Parenting

Parenting
As a parent, you hold the reins, yet must learn to let go ever so often.
As the ancient saying goes, a child carries the legacy of the parents – not only the financial, but also one of attitude, character and behavior. According to the Shastras an individual’s life and character is shaped by four factors. One fourth of it comes from the parents. Another one fourth is acquired through education, upbringing and exposure to people and media, Karma and one’s own experiences make up the remaining half.
So parents form the very first foundation of a child’s life. A child starts his or her learning process by imitating the parents. We are often surprised to hear a small child saying something like, “I have been waiting for this all my life.” It’s nothing but parroting what her mother says.
Children normally are keen observers. They observe everything. Every moment. When the parents get angry tell lies or scorn at people, children imbibe their actions. Unfortunately, most parents are oblivious to the fact that children are scrutinizing them every moment.
It is important for parents to be free from stress because the parents’ stress or joy and their character and attitudes get transferred to the child. If the parents are violent, it they are devoted or at least they act devoted, the seed of devotion will sprout in the child and they will become genuinely devoted and mature.
While the parents have to ensure that their children do not become too aggressive, at the same time, they have to take care that they don’t become like a vegetable. If the children tend to be aggressive, the parents should soften them up, and they are too shy and delicate, it’s the parents’ duty to make them strong.
The parents’ greatest challenge is to guard against their children getting an inferiority or superiority complex. In many families, parents never scold their children and let them go the way they want. This makes children utterly weak. On the other hand, some people always put a noose around children’s necks, making them fearful or completely rebellious. It is really a skill to bring up children who are normal, creative, confident, and emotionally mature.

Parents need to learn the skill of pointing out a child’s mistakes without making him or her feel guilty. The courage to confess without the fear of alienation needs to be inculcated in children. There is an old saying in Sanskrit. “When your son or daughter turns 16, behave with them like a friend.”. Don’t be their teachers; don’t tell them what to do or what not to do. Just share their difficulties with them. If you relate with them as a friend and no a parent, they will be more open to you. Usually teenagers open up to their friends much more than to their parents.
Children should be taught to be truthful without being prejudiced. The parent must ensure that the child’s intellect is not clogged with prejudice and inhibition. In today’s world, people have prejudice about race, religion, professions and so many other things. Children must be able to communicate and be friendly with everyone.
It is important to ensure that children have the required exposure to broaden their vision and deepen their roots. It’s often seen that children who are not taught ethical and religious values feel lost in middle age, like uprooted trees. Youngsters in the west are so lost that they go in search of their roots. Modernization is a natural phenomenon. It is like a tree branching out. That’s why parents should make sure that their children have strong roots before they branch out. A cultural and spiritual foundation is vital to helping a child grow up to become an intelligent and unbiased individual.
It’s absolutely critical that children get a multi-cultural, multi-religious education. This is vital to avoid fanaticism and religious terrorism.
If a child goes up knowing a little bit about all other religions, cultures and customs, then there will be a sense of belonging with everybody. I feel that when every child in the world learns a little bit about every other religion, the child will not have inhibitions or hatred Towards other religions or cultures.
Teachers, gurus and mentors used to play the role of counselors. Increasingly, this is not available to children. Parents, will have to play the dual role of motivator and counselor. It is like riding a horse: you hold the reins tight and yet let it loose frequently.
By H. H. Sri Sri Ravishankar